C A R L B. G A R N E R

'IRON SHARPENETH IRON'

What we want and what we need are not always the same. In fact, what we want may be the very opposite of what we need. One quick glance at the doughnut display ­ I said quick glance ­ serves to establish that point. The relationship between males and females has seen wide, sweeping changes as the centuries have passed.

Anthropologists long have claimed that the dominance of man over woman has prevailed mainly because physical power overwhelmed spiritual and moral strength. If that is so, then the increasing equality of the sexes may well be attributed to the lessening influence of brute force and the ascendancy of intellectual persuasiveness.

This very point is at the heart of today's struggle that includes husbands and wives, political leaders, members of the judiciary, and the Bible. It is certain that the Bible gives clear guidelines for limitations upon both males and females (1 Cor. 14:28; 1 Tim. 2:12; Eph. 5:22,28). That God has ordained the husband to be the head of the wife and the home is clearly and undeniably stated in the Bible (1 Cor. 11:3; Gen. 3:16). The movement among some to thrust women into roles ordained for men (and vice-versa) is sheer rebellion against God's authority.

Some, however, may have overlooked the fact that, in the home, constantly facing the pressures and frustrations of human existence, both husband and wife, father and mother possess qualities that are invaluable to the other. One quality that is vitally needed by both is reflected in the words of Proverbs 27:17: "Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend." Accordingly, there are times when both partners need the quality of "iron" to be possessed by the other. Males often have desired an inappropriate power over females, preferring nothing more than lace, fluff, softness, and weakness. However, those qualities, as desirable as they may be, are not always what is needed. When tough times come, a husband needs a wife that can "sharpen the countenance" of her man. The children need a father that possesses not mere physical strength and ambition but also integrity, confidence, and encouragement. A wife needs more than a bread-winner and protector, but also a companion, a friend, and a helper.

In the home, the Bible says that the husband is the head of the wife (Eph. 5:23) and that the wife is to be in subjection to her husband (Col. 3:18). However, the wife is also given a place of "rule" in the home and in the family. "I desire therefore that the younger widows marry, bear children, rule the household, give no occasion to the adversary for reviling" (1 Tim. 5:14). God made woman for man, yet not to be a slave or an object of his power, but because man needed woman. She is to be a "helpmeet" (Gen. 2:18), or a helper suitable for his needs and his purposes. The word "rule" (or guide in the KJV) is from oikodespotein, indicating "management of and direction of household affairs" (W. E. Vine). There is no doubt that the woman is intended to have an area of rule, of domain, or as Rienecker says, to be "master of a house" (p. 631). And that is true because God decreed it to be so, and that because "iron sharpeneth iron."

A man may think he wants someone who merely bows to his every whim, his every desire. But he really needs what God has ordained that woman is to be. He does not need a rubber stamp, but one who will "sharpen his countenance," and will spur him on to being a better husband, employee, father, and servant of God. She can and must do all that because only "iron sharpeneth iron." Marriage was always intended to be a partnership in the highest sense, and never a dictatorship, because it is God who ordained and instituted the home to be the basis of our society. Husbands are to "give honor to the woman, as unto the weaker vessel, as being joint-heirs of the grace of life: to the end that your prayers be not hindered" (1 Pet. 3:7).

She is to be given "honor," or esteem and value. While she may be the "weaker vessel," she is a precious vessel ­ one worthy of trust, respect, confidence, and love. Many a godly home exists today because husband and wife together recognize God's will for their relationship and because they are willing to sharpen the countenance of each other. "Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend." (Proverbs 27:17)