C A R L B. G A R N E R

NOT THE WAY I WAS RAISED

Whether we like it or not, the way our parents "raised" us has had a big influence on the way we behave today. Solomon said, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it," Proverbs 22:6. Many of us look back on the years at home with our parents and we remember the times we were disciplined. We recall the times of stern lectures and perhaps a taste of "peach tree tea." We remember the strong dependence we felt toward those who clothed, fed and bathed us. We realized, maybe a bit too late, just how much they sacrificed for us; how much they wanted for us. How grateful we should be for parents who "raised" us to "live right," and "do right."

Present day experiences often bring to memory how my father taught me to treat neighbors, friends, relatives, teachers, older people in general...in fact, just about anybody. Living in the city brings you pretty close to your next door neighbors. Once, a neighbor whose son played football was the fortunate recipient of a "house wrapping" [bathroom tissue "wrapping" for those of you who do not know]. Trees were filled with the tokens of this joyous occasion, hanging in long ribbons as ornaments on every limb. But it wasn't very long before the wind began to blow the paper all over the adjoining yards, including ours. Now, instead of only the trees being covered, all the shrubs, flower beds, fences and everything else caught a flying "ribbon." It was a real mess. To make matters worse, it rained that very next day.

Since I was taught as I was, I just assumed that they would have been out there the next day cleaning up every last piece of paper that graced their's and their neighbors' yards. If my father had been their father, the grass would not have begun to dry the next morning before two "big old boys" were out there cleaning up the mess. Perhaps it has crossed your mind that such was not the case.No, it was yours truly, along with two other neighbors (all casting stern glances at the house of the offending neighbor) who cleaned up the mess.

No, that's not the way I was raised. Perhaps you detect a bitter note in the preceding words. Only in the sense that I know that many are not being taught to be respectful of others. The way a person is raised will have a lot to do with the way he/she acts, especially later in their adult years! I still say and do things just as my father "raised" me to say and do them. He would not have called and scolded the neighbor, but he taught me a better way, and I am thankful, even if I don't live up to it.

It is true that not all children are being "raised" today the way they were a few years back. That may not be so bad, for if we parents are honest, we know that we made far too many mistakes. Some things that govern child rearing today may be much better and more effective than the way my parents did it in the 40's or the 50's. We have learned that each child is different and the way to "raise" one child might not work at all with another child. We've learned that a child's self-esteem can make a big difference in the direction of their life. We realize that other factors can predict the way our mind works, even in our mature, adult, years. Some (but not all) good ideas have come from modern ways of "raising" children. But when a child ceases to have concern for the things of his neighbor, somebody didn't "raise" their kids right. May I suggest some ways we may prepare our children to be good neighbors, friends and citizens?

1. Teach them to respect the property of others, including the boundary lines between property. We used to say "good fences make good neighbors," but it should not take a fence to delineate between my property and yours. With children it starts with toys, goes on to cars, and eventually is seen in their respect for another man's wife, possessions and reputation. Early lessons on this subject can prevent even more serious problems later in life.

2. Teach them to respect the privacy of others. Children need to be taught that just because they have free time, others may not. Parents must teach them to honor the personal rights and space of mother, father, brother, sister, grandfather and grandmother. And even the next door neighbor.

3. Teach them to share their time and energy with others. The 1990s are known as the years when families leave "town" for the country and for some "space of our own." It's common for neighbors to be total strangers; "we need our space." OK, so we need our space, but Christians do not hide in a corner, avoiding contact with the world. Children who are taught that they are "the light of the world," must not only respect the privacy of others, but also must be taught that good neighbors can be friends, and that sharing time and work with them make it possible to "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven," Matthew 5:16.

I know of no scripture on cleaning up a "house wrapping," but I know some for common courtesy, respect for others and neighborly behavior: "Love thy neighbor as thyself," Galatians 5:14, Matthew 22:39. What do your neighbors see in you? I hope they see Christ-like neighbors, good friends and respectful children.