C A R L B. G A R N E R

A FAMOUS FATHER'S FATAL FLAWS

If historians were to list all the tragic mistakes of the rich and the famous it would make a very thick book. The mistakes themselves would not likely be much different from those made by lesser known fathers, but they are usually displayed for all the world to see. Names like Lincoln, Kennedy, Adams, Roosevelt, Churchill, Eli, Samuel and David would all be there, right along with the Smiths, the Jones, the Johnsons and other "ordinary" fathers. It will always be true that parents will make mistakes, some more serious than others, because humans do make mistakes. Those mistakes, as borne out in their children, are often more far-reaching than they seem at first.

David, king of Israel, a man with a "heart" loved by God Himself, made many such mistakes. And the consequences of those mistakes were the source of the deepest grief for David, as well as his kingdom. The pressures of being king; the weight of his responsibility toward God¹s people; the constant attention given to God¹s anointed; all of these were added distractions from a father¹s thoughts. But they served as no real comfort when the force of his failure was thrust upon him. On the death of Absalom, remembering all of the neglected opportunities of being a father, the words that came from David¹s heart were bitter, sorrowful and regretful. "O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! would God I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son!," 2 Samuel 18:33. Regret is a bitter pill to swallow. Note the obvious mistakes of David:

1. He began by making marriages with many women. Polygamy was never approved by God, but it was a common practice, even among God¹s people. Just a glance at the divisive nature of a family in which there are multiple wives/mothers is a strong rebuke to the practice. From the beginning, God decreed, "let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband," 1 Corinthians 7:2. Rivalry between children is natural, but rivalry between mothers was fatal to David.

2. He was distracted by his work as ruler of Israel. Every father will have distractions, for life has many facets. But no task is more arduous than that of a parent, and sufficient time must be set aside for that work. Too many fathers turn over the duties of rearing children to their mother. Even if she has the time to do so, she can never be father and mother; it takes both. While David was "being king," his own children were assaulting, murdering one another. Need I say more?

3. He did not provide appropriate discipline. In 2 Samuel 13, Amnon (David¹s son by Ahinoam) assaulted Tamar (David¹s daughter by Maacah). From the text it appears that David did nothing in the way of discipline. In addition to the fact that discipline was demanded for such evil behavior, its absence was cause for Absalom¹s vengeance, and that resulted in his exile and eventually his death in 2 Samuel 18.
Painful as it may be, fathers have an obligation to "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying," Proverbs 19:18. Failure to do so results in even deeper heartache.

4. He failed to provide a good example as a husband and a father. The oft-told narrative of David¹s adulterous affair with Bathsheba is the life Absalom grew up with and remembered. The news of their sin was widespread. The entire nation, as well as the enemies of Jehovah, were aware of David¹s sinful actions. They were not and could not be swept under the rug. How could a young man like Absalom grow to manhood with the scandal of his father hovering over his head without it affecting his life? The lives of modern personalities show similar effects on their children. [Consider the sons of many Hollywood actors whose dallying with other men¹s wives is so well known.] Fathers must provide a good example for their sons and daughters concerning personal and social relationships.

5. He could not admit that he was wrong. This inability to say "I¹m sorry" seems to be a common trait among males. Even after Absalom returned from his exile, it was not in David¹s character to speak to him as a father to his son. For all practical purposes, Absalom could have stayed in Geshur. David got even with him, all right, but it was a costly vengeance. It cost Absalom his life, and it cost David his family and his influence in Israel.
Fathers have a powerful impact upon their sons and their daughters. Of course, children can stray away from the training of even the most dedicated parents. But this can be limited by fathers who are willing to set a good example; who provide the discipline each child needs; who maintain a home in which God¹s will is honored; who take the time needed to be a godly father; and by fathers who are willing to admit their own weaknesses. David¹s tragic mistakes as a father speak volumes to parents today.