C A R L B. G A R N E R

'A WOUND AND DISHONOUR'

This is not about Bill and Hillary, John and Jackie, or Franklin D. and Eleanor. This is about the incidence and acceptance of adultery as acceptable behavior in modern society. I am aware, as are all within shouting range of a TV set, that our President is on the hot seat for his "inappropriate relationship" with a young intern in Washington. But many of us are shocked that our neighbors are saying, "It's time to leave people alone when it comes to their private lives." Why do so many want to take the spotlight off the subject of adultery? According to those who are "knowledgeable," the real reason is that adultery has become so commonplace that "no one thinks anything about it any more." One social worker, who sees the effects of this rise in immoral behavior says, "We're exposed through movies and TV and books and our own president to an attitude that there's nothing wrong with it. We've forgotten what it is to be faithful" (Austin American-Statesman, 8/20). Is that really true? Can it be that man has abandoned the "till death do us part" promise in his/her wedding vows?

God has always intended the marriage relationship to be inviolable, hallowed. From the time of Adam man was to "cleave unto his wife," Genesis 2:24. Moses wrote, "Neither shalt thou commit adultery," Deuteronomy 5:18. Solomon wrote, but sadly: "Whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul. A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away," Proverbs 6:32-33. Jesus said, "Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart," Matthew 5:27-28.

So it is clear that God has not been vague about this subject, and when a husband or wife violates this sacred vow, the only result can be tragedy, whether public or private. In every aspect of God's instructions for man, fidelity to his mate is demanded. Infidelity, adultery, is specifically forbidden; and the clear consequence is grave.

Why does God forbid adultery in the first place? In fact, why does He forbid so many activities that so many look upon as "pleasurable"? Is it to remove from man the real enjoyment of life? Is it so that man would be so miserable in this life that he would long for heaven? Does God really prefer that His people be somber and gloomy rather than bright and cheery? Such a charge is often made by those preferring a lifestyle based upon physical stimulation. But it is palpably false.

I recall a statement from years ago that touches this very issue: "God does not forbid an act for His children to keep us from something ugly, but to preserve us for something beautiful." Jesus made it clear that His coming was not to bring a dreary life, but "that they might have it more abundantly," John 10:10. Who would affirm that adultery results in true happiness?

There are many reasons why this seems to be a more pervasive problem today than 100 years ago. The workplace is often a place where clandestine relationships can flourish. More women are found in the workplace. The entertainment industry holds up marital infidelity as exciting and inviting. Religion is less an influence upon man's moral standards today, thereby enhancing the "enjoy life today; who knows what will come tomorrow" ethic. These and others have brought us to this point in our culture's life. Estimates say that about 22% of married men have "strayed at least once." But "98% believe that adultery is always or almost always wrong." Those are strange numbers.

We could turn back to godly behavior, but that would require that we look beyond our temporary and selfish pleasures to consider the welfare of others as well as Biblical morality. David Lusterman, a New York psychologist, says that "75-80% of adulterous marriages in which both partners commit to healing and undergo counseling have no more infidelity, and that the husband and wife go on to have a better marriage than before." Of course it can happen, but it will necessitate the following:

1. A change of mind regarding the gratification of temporary appetites.

2. A powerful reaffirmation of our determination to be true to our vows of faithfulness to our spouse.

3. A straightforward effort toward the avoidance of circumstances that encourage provocative relationships.

4. Regaining our respect for the ethical principles taught in the Bible.

5. Association with true Christians whose commitment to their marriage is conducive to our godly behavior.

6. Taking determined steps toward strengthening and deepening the quality of our marriage and the relationships that encourage that end.

Periodically, we are thrust into a situation in which we see first-hand the sad and volatile results of marital infidelity. For a time we determine this will not happen to us. But the passing of time, and our ability to forget, can dim the best of intentions. Perhaps this sorry spectacle will last longer in our memory. If it does not, we will learn, as did Solomon, that the result will be "A wound and dishonour....and his reproach shall not be wiped away," Proverbs 6:33.